I'm a blue lily of the valley emerald rooster, so there

I've always said I'd be back just as soon as I had a spare five minutes. OK, so it's been three months. Have you missed me? Your silence speaks volumes.

Can I just say 38 and leave it there please? No, over there. Right over there. Back a bit. Back a bit. I thank you.

Well, how can I make up for my absence? Here's a list of things I've done since the last entry:

Ready? A-her-her-her-hem (and other throat clearing noises).

Went to a drawing class at the John Soane’s and British Museums, tried to draw some Chola bronzes (failed – decided to give up drawing), went to see the swan song of the magnificent Modchik at the Hope & Anchor in Islington (to see John singing his goodbyes to London use this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klwcQCZQLeE), wrote an essay on Caravaggio’s Religious Art and the Counter-Reformation, got enlightened about the Enlightenment at the British Museum, went to a lecture on conversation pieces at the National Portrait Gallery, went back to see Frith at the Guildhall, saw Spamalot, went to see Canaletto at Dulwich, saw Dreamgirls, saw Notes on a Scandal, saw The Glass Menagerie, saw Hogarth at Tate Britain five times (oh brother!), went to a study day on Frith at the Guildhall, went to see the Victorian art at the Royal Holloway College, caught a cold, went to various lectures on Hogarth at Tate Britain, saw The History Boys (what on earth is the fuss about?), presented a seminar on fifteenth century martyrdom-cycles, went to a dinner party in Hitchin, saw the Gilbert & George exhibition at Tate Modern - er, twice, saw Rufus Wainwright’s Judy Garland concert at the Palladium (fan-bloody-tabulous), went to the Art Today exhibition in Greenwich, saw The Seagull at the Royal Court and travelled home on the tube with Kiera Knightley (that’s true), went to Paris and visited Musées d'Orangerie, Louvre, d'Orsay, plus the Pompidou centre and Dali and Picasso exhibitions, climbed the Eiffel Tower and went to Père Lachaise (and met Stig of the Dump) in between various memorable lunches and dinners, saw the Samuel Collection at Mansion House, saw Harry Potter wave his funny little wand around in Equus, saw Monet at the Royal Academy, saw Tennessee William’s newly discovered plays in Lovely and Misfit at the Trafalgar Studios, saw David Lynch’s three-hour marathon Inland Empire and nearly burst my bladder, flew to Pisa and spent a week in Florence and, amongst other things involving vast quantities of Chianti, went up and down the Duomo and Campanile as well as going in and out of the Uffizi, Palazzo Pitti, Boboli, Bargello, oh and a daytrip to Lucca, wrote a monster of a research project called Investigating Public Spectatorship via Technology and Materiality, saw The Rose Tattoo at the National, saw Surreal Things followed by a lecture by Ralph Steadman at the V&A, saw Kylie: The Exhibition at the V&A, saw The Caretaker at the Tricycle Theatre, saw Total Eclipse at the Menier Chocolate Factory, saw The Taming of the Shrew at Wilton’s Music Hall, had an evening of Victoriana in Fulham, started earning my living by doing some gardening (let me know if you need your bush trimmed), went to see The Art of Italy at Buck Pal, oh, and started evening classes at City University: Art in London Now. Plus college and greyhound walking of course.

I expect you wish you hadn’t asked now. What do you mean you didn't?

Here are some pictures. I can't seem to master captions on here, so you decide!